The heaviness of feelings are fooling around with me this morning,
with the mp3 and fb that has relation with him.
Maybe I am just a fool for the April which it is still long to come,
yet I just can't remove the feelings of heaviness away from deep inside my heart.
I know that I am soon running around crazily.
Facing the fact that family still thought that I am with you,
maybe I should not be selfish and should officially made you single.
Yet you are one right now,
freely around females and at the same time never burden by me anymore.
I know I am a burden for everyone.
Forcing everyone fooling around with me isn't making things right.
Maybe dad noticed that he is frequently asked to take me back home right now,
where those time are suppose to go out with you.
Maybe everyone noticed,
I didn't cry enough for seperating with you,
which it is dragging me to hell.
Maybe I should telling myself,
time to throw away all the things related to him so that I could forget him easily.
Can I do that?
No. I just can't throw them away.
They just meant too much for me.
Spending time with them over these 3 years making me hard to seperate with them.
You can solve this much easier.
You can just leave them away.
Right when you moved out from that house.
Maybe I should cry out loud telling everyone around me that I am officially single which maybe it would make me feel much better?
I'm not so sure about that idea.
What shall I do?
I am just going to make myself running around crazily.
What are your feelings right now?
I don't have telepathy so I can't tell them out.
Even the one I know for last 3 years doesn't seemed the same anymore.
People change.
That is a fact.
However...
I wished that we could become what we are before 12 January 2006,
where I can share secrets with you,
and you cvan share secrets with me.
You are once my intimate friends where you are just the type I can easily share secrets with you.
I love sharing secrets with you right on that time,
which I really doesn't wanna make that kind of relationship broken down on that time.
But you tell me it's ok
that our relationship can surely maintain for prolonged time.
But what is happening now?
I thought you were the man who is not the same kind as the others.
you have characteristics that they don't own, for the one whom I know.
Yet it is just the time haven't reach.
That your true characteristics came out
that you were just as same as other men
who will grown to become just another substance abuser
and just another guy who tell his wife
"tonight I have business to discuss with colleague, so don't wait me."
People who are watching this probably think that
"he is just another bad man, she is so pity."
But maybe, just maybe
that somewhere, somehow,
he is just as sick as this freaking lady who is writing this post
that he has no where to post his feelings
no where to solve his own problems.
And maybe
he is just sadder than me.
No one should judge anyone as anything
but you should only believe your own self
on judging everything's right and wrong.
Labels: new life
October 2007